It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
