I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
