my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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