Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
