Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like a drive thru vagina
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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