My girlfriend figured out who you are.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
