Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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