I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
