That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
