I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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