Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
