I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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