i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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