I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
ttyl tear gas
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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