We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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