I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
