"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
