i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
