i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize