you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize