so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
