i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
