So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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