I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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