you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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