with your own penis?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
