I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize