I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
