If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
