I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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