She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
