Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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