i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
