Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
