mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
