I wish my penis had an off switch
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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