He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
