Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
