My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can't motorboat a personality
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
