That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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