Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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