I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
