you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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