You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize