none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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