my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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