I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
