They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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