I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
