you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
