hotel room ftw
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
