Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
