The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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