I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
