I didn't shave. On purpose
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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