Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
