we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
