I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
