My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
