1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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