The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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