I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
