I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
