Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
