He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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