i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
