I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
