Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
