I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
