Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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